Deep work vs. hard work - an antidote to unworthiness
When I was just 6 years old I was diagnosed with a neurological brain disorder known as Epilepsy.
Before the diagnosis, everyone thought I was simply a spacey child with a possible learning disability.
Due to the frequency in which I was having petit mal seizures (a brief loss and return of consciousness), my childhood memories are a patchwork of feelings, images, colors, sounds, and wild fantasies conjured by a highly imaginative little soul that thought deep thoughts long before she could eloquently express them.
A particularly profound memory of mine is of me and my superhuman mama.*a big hug to all the moms out there who have risen like a phoenix in honor of their children…I see you and your grace takes my breath away*
Before I was diagnosed, I entered kindergarten at age 5. The school I was attending wanted to hold me back a year so I could better learn my ABC’s. My mom refused to let this happen. She feared that it would instill in me an impression of ‘being a failure’ at an age that I might not understand how to process it in a healthy way. So like any mom attempting to protect her child, she decided to tutor me.
This is my memory…
My mom is across from me. She is teaching me my ABC’s. I think she is beautiful. I want her to be happy. I remember feeling this for her…as most 5 years olds do for their mothers.
The first memory is her simply teaching me with emotions and a demeanor that was playful and purposeful. Then, the next memory was her slightly frustrated. Then the next, was her crying. Just snippets of a movie was how I saw life happening before me.
The profound insight that came to me (through the belief work I do and coach other people through), was that in that moment I made a decision, that became a belief and would shape how I showed up in the world for a long time after.
The decision I made was, “Something is clearly wrong with me and my ‘wrongness’ is causing so much trouble. So I HAVE to figure out life on my own or I will hurt the people I love.” This, over the years, then translated into a sort of rebel without a cause ‘I got this, I don’t need you, just work hard to get what you want’ kinda attitude towards life.
Though beneath that pushing forward, I was ridden with self-doubt, loneliness, lack of clarity, and quite frankly I was exhausted.
Until I was able to see this clearly, and then re-write that story, I was in a repetitive cycle of destructive relationships (both intimately and with friends), unsustainable and unfulfilling work/life habits, unhealthy money issues, and deep down feelings of unworthiness.
This is how so many of us are operating in our lives and work in the world. We’re stuck in patterns from decisions and beliefs we made before we were 6 years old. And, as you can see from my story, those belief imprints are not necessarily always from an experience that was in of itself, ‘bad’ or traumatic. It’s only how our little minds perceive the experience that matters.
Here’s the good news: our big minds can be re-wired thanks to neuroplasticity. Think of your brain like clay - it can be molded. We are actually incredibly malleable creatures capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for.
But to do this, we have to be willing to dive into the deep work it takes to create the kind of change we want to see in our life.
This will require us to remove our masks and take our armor off.
This will require us to ask different questions.
This will require us to lean into our edges.
This will require us to ask for help.
When we do the deep work of connecting with our old beliefs and ways of being from the past, turning our ‘mess’ into our message, and re-writing the stories we most want to live into, we can see the path forward more clearly and are then able to lead from a place of deep work, rather than hard work.
From here, there is a truth and a freedom that enables us to…
Let go of measuring ourself up against others based on flawed premises, such as ‘the more you do or earn, the more you’re worth.’
Discover truths about ourself that align us with our people and our purpose with more depth, patience, and presence.
Feel more aligned with our work, avoiding boredom or burn out.
Lean into the often messy, yet imperative healing to show up in our full majesty.
Be more clear and devoted to our vision and our values for our own life, so that we can more readily tap into a sense of integrity and wholeness that is innately there within us.
Own our voice and define our mission and our message in a way that feels true, focused, passionate, and sustainable.
Create systems and support that we truly need, rather than what others tell us we need to do, buy, or get to be ‘good enough.’
This is the work I do with visionary women (and a few great men).
I support those who feel deeply called to unlock their potential (both inside and out) so they can show up fully for themselves, their families, their communities, and the world at large without sacrificing their truth or their well-being along the way.
The work I do bridges the forces of neuroscience, psychology, mysticism, somatic practices, storytelling, and play in a poetic, practical, and accessible manner.
I bring to the table more than a decade of experience as a mindfulness teacher, transformational leadership coach, and passionate, mission-based entrepreneur who has created, curated, and produced products, masterminds, online courses, retreats, & trainings all around the globe.
If you’re feeling called to dive into deep work, rather than hard work - in honor of creating a life and work in the world that truly feels like you - and you’re ready to invest in support, let’s talk.
I have a few spaces for 1-on-1 support (and right now I’m offering something extraordinary - I’m opening doors to a 1-on-1 coaching program called Flight Lessons that is at a significantly reduced price point if you’re open to letting me use you as a case study for my book).
Let’s hop on zoom and see if there’s a match.
There are a few spots on my calendar here.
Feel free to reach out with questions at firstname.lastname@example.org
P.S. if you’re live in the Reno/Tahoe area I have a 4-week Deep Dive coming up in May!
From the depth of my heart to yours,